Yoga:Â Went to the UAF class Donna teaches.
Pranayama: I did some to try to calm myself at class today and I’m planning on doing this tonight. I’ve also taken melatonin so I’m not sure how long I’ll last though.
Asteya: Not sure what about this topic I’m experiencing today. Â Maybe some reflection and a good nights sleep will clarify things for me. Â Update before bedtime, just read this:Â http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13433/warning-signs-your-chakras-are-out-of-balance.html – 4th chakra (heart) is a big one for me.
It’s funny how one’s attitude can totally fuck something up. Case in point: I spent most of the day very excited about heading to yoga class tonight. My bra was making me so angry all day I was so excited to go to class, put on a not-as-supporttive-as-it-could-be yoga top since I was out of clean sport bras, but I had planned to stick myself in the corner and hide my unsupported boobs away from people. I get there and there were two students outside setting up their mats. Fuck, I think to myself. Outside? I ask them about class and there were both delighted about being outside and hoped that class would be outside since “it was the last couple of times.â€Â Fuck, I think to myself again. Just leave now, I think. I’m not mentally prepared for an outside class, I’m not excited about being outside at the entrance to the gym with people coming and going. I was looking forward to finding a corner in class and getting in some good me time without my damn bra on.
I go inside and look in the gym. There are people in there. I put down my basket and grab my yoga gear to go change in the bathroom. I’m terrified we are going to be outside around people with cold air which I would normally love, but cold unsupported boobs means massive peek-a-boobie nipples, so I leave my damn bra on. I see another YTT student in the bathroom and we chat a bit. I go outside and find a piece of shade to hide in and leave my sun glasses on the entire time. I’m angry; very, very angry. I consider leaving again. Just power through it, I say to myself. I had left my work shirt on, but it kept draping and hanging weird so I eventually took it off. We had a gentle practice with some Chandra namaskars. There were also arm balancing things which I avoid for a plethora of reasons and a few excuses. I was too mad to even try to get past my excuses.
My class experience sucked due completely to my attitude. I got home and I was angry and my back hurt worse than it did when I got to class. I hate not being prepared about what is coming. I’m not sure what lesson I’m learning here, but if anyone suggests that I should “go with the flow†I might just start yelling.
Asteya = Non-StealingFor the next three days we will focus on making conscious choices, taking only what we need & practicing generosity and gratitude.
Lets pay attention to the ways in which we covet or steal from others and also with-hold pleasures from ourselves. The more we want to be someone else, or shift our desires outward, then the less we are honoring our own divinity.
Stealing manifests in many more forms then simply taking something that does not belong to us. What ways do we take credit for things we didn’t do? When do we covet someone else’s ’stuff’ — whether they be accolades, physical items or opportunities? If we haven’t earned them, then they do not belong to us. These forms of stealing are rooted in a sense of desperation, emptiness and fear.
At the heart of Asteya is the practice of giving back, being grateful and acting with integrity and reciprocity. Â You have the ability to transform scarcity into abundance and fear into faith.